The Way Things Change

I feel a little more sane since my last post. Part of that was the therapy of writing about it, part of it the amazing and heartfelt comments, and a lot of it is the fact that this week is spring break. For me, this is a week to actually pull my weight around the house. I can clean. I can cook. I can check things off of my mile-long to-do list. I can meet my husband for lunch, and after dinner we can have a conversation without a half-graded stack of papers between us. It's not exactly a relaxing week, even when I drop Maggie off at daycare for a few hours, but sometimes a sense of accomplishment is so much more satisfying. (Though I have to admit, I'll be disappointed if I can't fit a pedicure in somewhere.)

However, this post isn't meant to be about spring break. It's supposed to be about family- not the one I've chosen to build with Matt, Maggie, and the new baby, but the one I didn't choose- the one I was born into. You see, this past weekend we took a quick trip to see my sisters, brother-in-law, and nephew in Brooklyn. My parents also arranged to drive down from upstate New York, so we were all together again- seven adults and two children happy and cozy in a 900 (or so) square-foot apartment.

Cousin bath time!
(Taking advantage while it lasts)

These get-togethers are becoming more and more precious. In fact, with a ten to thirteen-hour drive between us, we are lucky to see each other as often as we do. It helps that my sisters, father and I are all educators, so we can count on regular breaks for travel time. But even as having children makes it more difficult to make the trip, it also makes it that much more important for Maggie to see and get to know her family.

There's a song by The Head and the Heart called "Rivers and Roads", and one of the lyrics has really been hitting me lately. It says: "Been talkin' bout the way things change/My family lives in a different state." I grew up within twenty miles of both sets of grandparents and the vast majority of my 8,000 cousins (a slight exaggeration...it could be more like 6,732). My husband had a totally different experience. His parents met in college and chose to settle down in Illinois because it was a mid-point between their two families, who were located in Iowa and Indiana. Because he knew what it was like growing up with no family nearby, we thought quite a bit about where to set up a home and raise a family. As much as we loved St. Louis, where we met, it simply wasn't an option. Family was the number one priority, so it was decided: we were going to upstate New York or following his parents to South Carolina, where they had built a house and would retire. When we found out that Matt's dental license transferred to South Carolina with no additional tests or residencies, that was it. We were moving south.

I feel confident that we made the right decision. Everything has fallen into place here in Anderson. We are about a 35-minute drive from both Matt's parents and his sister, who moved here last year to be closer to us. That means built-in babysitters (not a privilege to be abused, for sure) and family holidays that we don't need to pack for. Matt's dental practice couldn't have been a better fit, and he has quickly become a familiar name around town because of his involvement in church, Rotary, and numerous other volunteer organizations. I FINALLY got a teaching job close to home, at an amazing arts magnet school. We love our house, our neighborhood, and our church, where we have made many friends that we will have for life.



Rare time with two grandmas



There's only one thing missing, and that is my dear family. It doesn't matter that I'll be turning thirty this year, or that I have my own family now. I want my parents to be close enough to drop in just because (but not so close that they'll never leave...) and for Maggie to be able to call her cousin Howie to come over for a swim. I want to have a glass of wine with my sisters on the back porch while the kids chase fireflies. It's a selfish desire, because while I want Maggie and Baby #2 to be surrounded by all that love and joy, I know that they already are. They have one set of grandparents, a doting aunt, and their mommy and

daddy, who clearly worship them, right here at their fingertips. Plus, at two and a half, it's impressive how well Maggie already knows her "New York" family. We Google Chat and Face Time frequently, and she loves looking at pictures from the holidays and trips we have taken together.

My mom is just barely holding
it together before she has to
get in the car and leave.

Whether we are reverting to our childhood selves back at my parents' house, walking the kids to the park in Brooklyn, watching Maggie and Howie dance around my living room, or catching up on the phone for five minutes in between school, subways, and daycare pickup, my family makes me feel a little bit more like myself. (A side note: I also have them to thank for my husband's sudden change of heart about how many kids to have. Apparently, he likes how chaotic my family is wants to replicate that in our household. Good luck to future us, and stay tuned for how Baby #2 changes that opinion!) I guess all I can do is keep badgering my parents about moving down here for retirement and sending my sisters pictures of what their rent/mortgage could get them in South Carolina. Besides, who needs New York City culture when you can have Sonic and Chick-fil-a?